Meet the instructor: Lydia
"Seeing that raw emotion made me realise what a difference midwives can make"
Antenatal instructor, Lydia, spoke to us about midwifery and motherhood, and teaching classes at our Moseley Club in Birmingham.
Why did you decide to practise midwifery?
My mum was a midwife so it was very much around me growing up and I had a real interest in it. She was always running out in the middle of the night to attend home births and she’d take me up to the hospital to see the babies on the postnatal ward, which I loved. This was back in the 90s when you were allowed to do things like that!
She never pushed me towards midwifery, but she was passionate about it and that fuelled my interest. So when I started to think about what I wanted to do when I left school, it seemed like the obvious choice. I went straight from A-levels to studying midwifery at university and I’ve been practising for 14 years now. I love having this shared interest with my mum and we always talk about it - I feel sorry for my dad sometimes when we're all together!
Is there any aspect of midwifery that you particularly love?
I love the physiology of it - how our bodies grow these little people, and birth and nourish them. I still find it incredible. I also really enjoy being with people. I’m a Community Midwife and get to spend quite a bit of time with the families in my care. I see them all the way through their journey, from pregnancy to after birth, and just try to make sure they have the most positive experience possible.
Can you share a standout moment from your career so far?
There have been so many special moments, but one that’s stuck in my mind is something that happened when I was working on the Delivery Suite… I was sent to one of the rooms to support a woman in labour and it happened to be someone I’d been caring for during pregnancy. When I walked into the room she was so happy and relieved to see me, she completely burst into tears! It was lovely knowing that I'd created a feeling of safety for her. I’ve received lots of thank you notes and gifts throughout my career, which are all so lovely and really appreciated, but seeing that raw emotion made me realise what a difference midwives can make.
What do you enjoy about teaching antenatal classes?
I really like that the course devotes a lot of time to preparing for life after birth. Of course we really focus on the birth too, and it's so important to be as prepared as possible for it, but I think sometimes people can forget they’re going to have an actual person to nourish and bring up! That can be so much wilder and harder than the birth itself. So I love that we get people to start thinking about what life is actually going to be like with their baby.
I also really enjoy the social side of the classes. It’s just so nice hearing everyone laughing and talking. One of the best things is that I teach very close to where I live, so I bump into lots of the families when I’m out and about or at the hospital, and it’s amazing seeing them with their babies.
Is there one piece of advice that you particularly love to pass on to new parents?
I think it’s important to remind them that they’re going to learn and grow on the job as well. Don't put high expectations on yourself. Know that you're doing the best job you can, and it's not always going to feel or look like ‘the best’ to you, but give yourself a bit of grace. You’re always going to be learning, which is a wonderful thing because you evolve as a person.
Since becoming a mother myself, I've had to lower my expectations of everything - of myself, of my home, of what my life looks like. But when you think back to your own childhood, what do you remember and what things do you appreciate? Children just ultimately need you to be there to love and support and guide them.
How was your own experience of becoming a mother?
The first year was very tough for me, especially the first six months. I found it incredibly hard. My baby, Albie, changed a lot when he reached six months - he became much easier and I could have a little bit more separation from him. And there was another massive change when he turned one and I went back to work. My work is a huge part of my identity and going back really helped me feel like myself again.
When you’re in the trenches of early motherhood, it can sometimes feel like you're never going to get yourself back, but you will. For me, being able to have time to do the things I enjoy, either by myself or with my partner or friends, was really important. And now he’s older I can include him in some of those things, which is great because I have a little friend to take along with me!
What did self-care look like for you during the first year?
Exercise for me is a big thing. Keeping fit, moving my body. So in the first year, even just having twenty minutes to go and do some exercise by myself was really important. Also I'm a massive reader and really enjoy that part of my life, so it was great when Albie started to go to bed a bit earlier and I was able to read again in the evenings like I’d always done. Sometimes you just need 20 minutes to yourself, to re-energise and reset.
My husband and I are quite good at noticing when the other one is reaching their limit with parenting, then it's like, ‘Right, you have a minute, I’ll sort this out, come back when you can.’ But I'm not going to say it's been a smooth journey for us and that we always work as a team - we definitely don’t!
Is this something that you like to talk about in your classes?
Yes and I make sure that they know it's okay to say that you're not okay. It's okay to say you're not enjoying it, or you're finding something hard.
When I was pregnant, my husband and I took the Bump & Baby Club course ourselves. Our group is amazing and we've all been quite honest with each other about the struggles we’ve faced. It’s so important to know you're not the only one having certain reactions and emotions to particular milestones or phases, and that others have the same concerns as you. That’s why I love connecting people through our antenatal classes. There are always people in the group who don’t necessarily feel they need more friends - because they've got loads of friends in the area, or family around them - but when you've got people who you can connect with who have children of exactly the same age, it makes a big difference.
Have there been any particularly heartwarming moments for you in motherhood?
Yes - when Albie started walking. I could have burst into tears every time he did it! He was really late to walking so when he eventually decided to walk, he could do it almost straight away. It made me so proud and he was so cute!
Also, a couple of weeks ago when I was putting him to bed, he was holding my hand and I said, ‘I love holding your hand.’ And he replied, ‘I will always hold your hand, mummy.’ I know that's not true, but I was absolutely bawling!
He is really excited about our new baby that we’re expecting. He's so positive about it and talks to the baby and he tells me all the things he's going to do for the baby. I love that he's already taken on that big brother role.
