"Every day she does something new and amazes me”

Wandsworth Town Club member, Dr Tosin Ajayi, is a GP and mum to her 6-month-old baby girl. She took some time to chat to us about pregnancy, birth, motherhood and her invaluable Bump & Baby Club friends.

Photos: Lucy Morris
Interview: Alex Kohansky

How was pregnancy for you?

I suffered from quite bad sickness during my pregnancy - I had hyperemesis - and that was an eye-opener for me, both as a woman and as a doctor. People tend to associate hyperemesis with actual vomiting, but the definition also includes women who are so nauseous they’re unable to eat and lose at least five percent of their body weight - and that is what happened to me. So I was physically sick at times, but not that much, I just couldn’t eat or be around the smell of food and I lost quite a bit of weight during my first trimester and half of my second trimester.

That was all very difficult and I definitely had a little bit of worry about the affect on my baby. From the moment you become pregnant and I suppose for the rest of your life as a mother, you’re not just living for yourself, you’re living for someone else - everything you do pretty much affects another human being. So that kicked into gear for me the moment I found out that I was pregnant and I had a little bit of worry at the back of my mind. So I tried to force myself to eat something when I could, even if it was very small or the bland and I made sure I was well hydrated.

Did you experience any other notable symptoms during pregnancy?

The tiredness was another level. I remember saying ‘oh I’ll be fine, I’ve done plenty of nightshifts in my career,’ but pregnancy tiredness is not just tiredness, it’s pure exhaustion.

My lifestyle totally changed. I have always been a very active person - before pregnancy I played netball twice a week, went to the gym, did lots walking - and I thought that I was going to stay active throughout pregnancy. But that completely wasn’t the case and I had absolutely no energy for the majority of it. The final few weeks of pregnancy were actually the best for me. That’s a time when a lot of women say they’re tired and just want the baby out - but I was like, ‘Oh this is great.’ I really enjoyed the last trimester!

Also, I had problems with fibroids that affected my pregnancy and birth. At times I would get quite severe pain from the fibroid and it would be a struggle to do simple things like getting out of bed in the morning. I’m quite a relaxed person but I did struggle with the lack of being able to do normal daily activities and the lack of control that came with that. But I just kept reminding myself that this is just a phase and I’ll get to the other side of it, and that helped me every step of the way.

Did you have any particular hopes and expectations going into birth?

I didn’t actually focus too much on the birth itself, but when it came to packing my hospital bag, I was very thorough and prepped for every single scenario possible!

So I prepped for the possibility that I might have a c-section and might spend longer in hospital, and I made sure I had some formula in case I might not be able to breastfeed straight away. I also prepped for the possibility that I might not have access to my hospital bag during labour - I made sure everything was labelled so my partner or my mum or my sister would know where everything was if they were the ones going through it. You can call it organised or a bit of a control freak! My husband was laughing at me as we were going into hospital as I had these two big bags and he was looking at everyone else’s bags and was like, ‘Why do we have so much stuff?!’

Can you tell me a bit about how you arrived at the decision to be induced?

It was definitely a moment where I had to weigh up my options. One week before I gave birth I was told by the medical team that it would probably be better if I was induced. I left that conversation thinking, ‘I’m not sure about this’ and went away and had a good think about it. Even up until the day before I gave birth, I was undecided. But once I came to the decision to go for the induction, I was happy with it. Although the induction did go ahead, I ended up needing an unplanned c-section. In the end it was all fine and our baby arrived into the world safely.

How was it meeting your baby for the first time?

It was a really lovely moment. I was still feeling a little bit woozy from the c-section process but yeah it was lovely. My first feeling was instant relief. Just relief to see and hear my baby and to know she was ok.

How was the moment of leaving hospital and getting home?

It was a bit of a blur. My mum was with me and so was my dad, my partner, my sister and my sister’s kids - we literally took over the hospital! So it was lovely because I felt really well supported. Returning home and walking into your house with a new child that you’re now responsible for - that is a strange but wonderful feeling.

Was your recovery straightforward?

It was as straightforward as a c-section recovery can be. I think that’s something that I underestimated as a doctor - just how difficult it can be. I always said to my patients ‘A c-section is a major surgery, you’ve got to give yourself time to recover’ - but there I was wanting to get up and go, because that’s my nature, and I had to remind myself to take it easy and not lift heavy things. So physically the recovery was ok but mentally for me it was a bit difficult because I wanted to get up and go a lot faster than my body could handle.

Was there anything that was particularly surprising for you about new motherhood?

I wasn’t necessarily surprised, but the reality that this baby is pretty much attached to you 24/7 is more intense than I imagined it would be. And you just can’t get up and go the way you used to. If I’m driving by myself and the petrol is running low but she’s sleeping, I can’t stop at a petrol station, as she’d wake up. There are lots of moving parts. I wouldn’t change my life for anything but that loss of freedom is definitely an adjustment.

Have there been any standout magical moments as a mother?

Every day she does something new and amazes me. I definitely remember her first smile. It was the first time I felt that she was really communicating with me and it was just incredible - a very heartwarming moment.

Was there a particularly challenging moment you remember from the very early days?

I remember the first time going out on a walk with my baby, I was so eager to get out of the house but she started crying and wouldn’t stop and I felt very overwhelmed in that moment. I was like ‘oh my gosh what am I doing? I’m out on the street and far from home.’ I was actually not far at all from my home and my baby was fine!

After that, my next walk was with my Bump and Baby Club friends. A group of us got together - those of us who had our babies (not everyone had given birth at that point). We went for a walk and it was really lovely. It was the first time we’d all seen each other since having our babies and some of the partners came along too.

How helpful have you found your Bump and Baby Club group?

Literally a life-saver! People always ask me, ‘How do you have so many mum friends?’ and I say, ‘Oh my gosh, let me tell you about Bump and Baby Club!’ It’s been absolutely amazing having these friends. Invaluable really. Like with anything you form closer bonds with certain people, it just happens, which has been lovely. So I have the wider group and I have a few people I can go to if I’m struggling with something or they can chat to me if they’re struggling with something and it feels like a really nice and safe support system.

Do you think motherhood will shape how you practise as a GP?

Experiencing pregnancy and motherhood has definitely made me a better doctor. I always thought I was great with empathy, especially with my female patients and those going through pregnancy and postpartum, but experiencing it myself has given me a new found level of respect and understanding.

When your baby is unwell and you bring them to see the GP, not only is your baby unwell, but you’ve also got a million other things going on in your mind - you’re sleep deprived, you’re full of worry. So I definitely have a deeper level of understanding for my patients and that hopefully puts me in a better place to converse with them on a more real and human level.