“I know my mum is with me in my heart”
With her third trimester approaching, Tinna Bergsdottir spoke to us about her pregnancy so far and the sudden loss of her beloved mother, and how pregnancy has helped her cope with the pain.
Interview: Alex Kohansky
Photos: Alice ChapmanHave you had any symptoms during your pregnancy?
I have been lucky so far - I had intense nausea in the beginning but from the second trimester onwards I’ve felt much better. Once the nausea passed I suddenly started to feel energetic. It was completely different. I got my energy back and my appetite back.
The only thing I’m feeling now is a little bit more tired. I’m very excited. It feels real! My baby boy is constantly moving, I can see him kicking out of my stomach - it’s like I have a little alien in there, it's crazy! An incredible feeling. I can’t really describe it.
How did it feel when you first discovered you were pregnant?
My fiancé and I were planning to have a baby, but it happened very quickly - the first time we tried. I did the pregnancy test on my own and when I saw the result I cried for about 5 minutes. It was the shock of how quickly it had happened. I couldn’t believe how lucky we were.
My partner was working. I didn’t want to tell him the news over the phone so I waited for him to come home, which took about ten hours! So I called my mum and my older sister and told them. They were so happy.
How was the first trimester for you?
The first three months were a blur because, after I found out I was pregnant, my mum got seriously ill and died soon after, very suddenly. Losing her is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I have never experienced pain like it.
My mum and I were incredibly close. She was like my best friend so It was devastating to know she wasn’t going to be here when my baby was born. She knew I was pregnant before I took a test and she knew the sex of the baby before the doctors could tell me. That’s how close our bond was.
For many years she had been asking me when I was going to get pregnant, so after she died I started to feel incredibly guilty for not having a baby earlier so she could be here. But that isn’t how life works; you just don’t know what’s going to happen.
I feel like even though she’s not physically here, she’s here with me, looking after me and my baby. I have had so many dreams about her and signs. I know my mum is with me in my heart.
I am so sorry and can’t imagine how painful it has been…
I am very grateful that at least she got to know I was pregnant. She didn’t leave thinking I wasn’t going to have a baby. And this pregnancy probably came at the right time, I feel like it’s saving me from pain.
And I feel like I will get a piece of my mum back when I give birth. I am half of my mother and she is part of this baby, so I will get a piece of her back.
That’s so beautiful. How are you feeling about the birth itself?
Now it’s getting closer I’m starting to get a bit nervous, but not that much. I’m trying not to think too far ahead - just take one day at a time and try to be as prepared as I can. But I guess you can never be truly prepared. I want to try to have a vaginal birth, but if that doesn't work I will have a c-section. Whatever makes it easier for the baby to come.
Thinking ahead to when your baby is here, is there anything in particular that you’re looking forward to?
I’m just excited to have him in my arms, and to see him. There’s something really magical about the fact that this baby is made out of pure love, between me and my partner. There’s just something really beautiful about that, and having someone to look after and care for.
