Before I saw my partner, Charlie, become a father to our baby, Bonnie, I always defaulted to asking my girlfriends how they were coping with pregnancy/newborn life. I didn’t really consider the role in childbirth that their partner played. But when Bonnie was born, I witnessed the upheaval Charlie went through: he became a dad, he shouldered the income of the whole household, his responsibilities became endless and his mornings now started at 4.30am when Bon woke up, so I could have a couple of hours longer in bed. Now, seeing the changes he went through, I am always conscious to check in on how the partners are coping, adjusting and feeling. To gain more insight, I asked a few of my dad-friends how their lives have changed since the birth of their babies, and for any pearls of wisdom they’ve learnt along the way.

By Lottie Lewis

Dale and Luca

Being a parent brings the biggest shifts in mood I’ve ever experienced. One minute you’re struggling to get your little one to sleep, being screamed at and generally yearning for your old freedom. Literally 8 minutes later you’re sat on the sofa welling up at videos of your baby.

Watching my partner evolve into a mother so naturally is one of the best things I’ve ever experienced. Whilst parenting also seemed to come quite naturally for me, witnessing how my other half instantly embraced this new challenge with open arms is astonishing.

Watch out for ‘just wait until’ parents who, when things are going well for you, will say, “Just wait until (insert the difficult stage they went through)”. Countless times when we have mentioned that Luca is sleeping well we hear, “Oh just wait until the 4-month regression,” or some other made-up-parenting-term that Luca seemed to bypass. If you took in this energy from every parent you met you’d be a worrying mess.

The second hardest thing is probably how your relationship with your partner changes. Whilst the love and wonder between the 4 walls you call home will undoubtedly increase to levels you never knew possible, there will be days where you feel more like housemates rather than a couple. Where the dishes in the sink are pouring over the edge and the thought of having to cook is too much. Where you’re both extremely sleep deprived and struggling to think about anything else other than a quick nap.

I was told beforehand how new dads can often feel like a spare part those first few weeks. Where the baby basically hangs off the teet for the few hours they are awake. My best advice during this time is to accept that your role is to take care of your partner. Cook for her, give her any free time you can, let her sleep in, massage her. Do anything you can to make her life easier and she’ll be able to be an even better mum in return.

We’ve made no secret of the fact that Luca came (a few years) earlier than planned. When we found out I pretty much cried for two weeks straight. I simply couldn’t imagine how I - someone who has probably spent a total of 12 minutes with under 5’s in the past 20 years - was going to be responsible for my own. However, a dear friend told me at the time how he felt that this challenge could actually be exactly what I needed. Fast forward 15-months and I think he may have been right.

Charlie and Bonnie

Patience. I cannot be punctual to events any more! I always used to be early to everything, but babies always seem to sleep past the time that the party starts (and wake up as soon as dinner’s ready).

Acceptance. Mine and Lottie’s upbringings were very different and therefore we have different ideas on how to bring up a child. Learning to compromise and find a balance with your partner is important.

I thought I would be needed more! I’m not so much being there for the baby, I’m being there for Lottie, for now.

The first two months are just give and give and give and then all of a sudden you get something back: a smile, a giggle, a little hand wrapped around your finger. It gets you through the difficult nights and days and car journeys. It makes up for everything. I love Bonnie laughing. There is nothing quite like it. Plus watching Bon meet all her milestones is incredible. It flashes by. You forget what it was like before hand. I feel proud.

I always thought having a child would only affect us, but actually it affects so many people. Our parents became grandparents, siblings became aunties and uncles. Being able to introduce her to her great-grandparents is surreal. We’ve had so much support and love.

The tighter you grip onto your old life the harder it is. You have to let it go. Having a baby isn’t a new life, it’s just a different life to the one you had. Just give in.

Sam and Max

I learnt the importance of a strong team with your partner.

I’m glad we did our research but ultimately go with your gut instinct.

I knew I would always love having a baby but didn’t realise how much I would enjoy having a baby. It’s epic.

There are times where I may not like my baby, but that doesn’t change how much I love him.

I learnt how to express feelings to my friends and family, and that it’s ok not to be ok. The good times are just around the corner.

Dad-hood: Lessons learnt by new fathers

Becoming a mother without my own

“You are enough”