Meet the instructor: Emily
Midwife Emily Flannery has been a Bump & Baby Club instructor for over 6 years and currently teaches at our St Albans Club and Welwyn Garden City Club. She describes her love for her work and learnings from becoming a mother herself, including her experience of postnatal depression.
The first session of the antenatal course is often my favourite because it’s when everybody introduces themselves and we find out a bit about each other. People can be really open and honest about what aspects of birth and parenthood they’re excited about and what they’re worried about, and we can combat those things as we go along - I work them into the course.
I love building relationships with group members, seeing them week after week and hearing their stories. With each course something new happens or I get asked a question that I’ve never been asked before, and it makes me go back to the research and think more about things, which I love.
I had no idea what I wanted to do as a career when I went to university the first time, so I studied French and linguistics. But I had always been interested in the idea of supporting women and I think I saw a programme like One Born Every Minute and thought, ‘that looks soo great!’ So I did some research and decided to apply for midwifery.
As soon as I started midwifery I knew it was what I was supposed to be doing. I love walking into a room and building that really quick relationship with somebody, making them feel comfortable and being with them during those really vulnerable moments. You get to hold that space and you can see the difference you make - it’s really tangible in the moment. Of course it can be a very stressful job and there are some really dark sides to it, but I just love the feeling of making those connections.
I never used to get emotional about births, I took them in my stride, but that changed after I became a mother myself. I remember my first delivery after returning from maternity leave - I was the only person crying, no one else was crying! I was like, ‘This is AMAZING!’
I can’t actually describe that love you feel for your kids. I am a much more emotional person than I used to be and very protective of my children. And motherhood has really helped me put things into perspective - not many things in life are important enough to get riled up about. It has definitely changed me for the better.
After the birth of my daughter, I struggled with early motherhood and had pretty bad postnatal depression. It lasted at least 6 months and I didn’t realise I had it until around 4 or 5 months in. It felt like I was trudging through; it was foggy. One of the main things I remember is how sad and anxious I would start to feel as it got dark outside and I knew I had another long night ahead of me. I just felt really down and not connected to anybody. It was only when the fog started to lift that I thought, ‘Ah man, that was really hard!’
I didn’t really realise how different things could be until I had my second baby, my son, as I didn’t have postnatal depression that time and the experience was totally different. I managed to take care of myself so much better the second time around and I knew not to put as much pressure on myself with breastfeeding, which I found extremely difficult. And my husband had a much better understanding of me and the way I respond to the newborn phase. He was very supportive. Also, with my son I was much more mindful of resting when I could, eating regular meals, drinking lots of water and taking some time for myself - going for a walk, having a bath, doing a bit of yoga - all of that stuff. Also, I’m a big reader but, when my daughter was born, I stopped reading. So with my son I would make sure I had my kindle with me for the night feeds so I wasn’t just scrolling on my phone.
The other thing that was different with my son was that I didn’t trying to do everything myself. With my first baby I thought that I had to do everything when my husband went back to work - both the nights and the days. The second time around the load was split much more evenly between my husband and I and it made a huge difference to my mental health. So I always remind parents that staying up with a baby all night and being with them all day is really hard work, and just because your partner is going back to work, it doesn’t mean that you have to bear the brunt of that.
My experience has definitely shaped the midwife that I am. What I really want people to know is that there is no right or wrong in birth and parenthood. Whatever a healthcare professional might say to you, if you’ve got all of your information, make whatever decision you want. Don’t do stuff because you feel guilty. I am so much of an advocate for making sure that you are the person at the centre of that journey. There is no doctrine and, especially with the parenthood part, we’re all making it up as we go along anyway!
