“We got a bit of ourselves back”
Fourteen months into motherhood, Chelmsford Club member Alexandra Bertie looks back on pregnancy, birth and the severe sleep deprivation she experienced with her baby boy - and the solution she found.
Photos: Lucy Morris
Interview: Alex KohanskyHow was your experience of pregnancy?
It was pretty challenging because I have Type 1 diabetes - so I had to be really careful with eating, keeping my blood sugar up and monitoring my insulin levels. I felt very sick during pregnancy and went off most foods so it was very difficult to manage. But, because of the diabetes, I was offered lots scans which was nice! I found it reassuring to know that my pregnancy was going in the right direction. My husband desperately wanted a boy and we had an early scan to see what the sex was - and it was a boy!
Did you know what kind of birth you wanted to have?
Yes, from the beginning I knew I wanted a c-section. My husband has sickle cell disease and is quite often unwell, so I was worried about having enough support,. So I wanted to know the date, so I could arrange for my mum to help me if my husband was unwell. But I would have wanted a c-section anyway. Because of the diabetes, my options were to have an induction around 38 weeks (if I hadn’t gone into spontaneous labour), or a c-section. The decision was easy for me.
So the c-section was agreed but I went into spontaneous labour at 37 weeks!
Oh what happened?!
I called up the hospital and said, "I think I'm in labour and should come in" but they told me to take some paracetamol and call back later. But I went the the hospital anyway - they examined me and I was 4 centimetres dilated. They took me to theatre for the c-section and Elijah was born within half an hour!
It was quite a shock, turning up to hospital a week earlier than planned and suddenly being taken to theatre. I was like, “I still have a week off work to enjoy myself!” But other than that, the experience was really nice and relatively relaxed. The team explained things, the anaesthetist was very good and my husband was by my side.
Was the c-section as you imagined it would be?
The experience felt completely surreal. Having witnessed a lot of c-sections in my career, it was like it was happening to someone else and I was an onlooker - then all of a sudden they're like, “Here's your baby!” So it was a bit of a shock.
How was your recovery?
Things were good in the immediate period after Elijah’s birth. The team helped me get up, have a shower and get changed. But then the anaesthetic wore off and they’d forgotten to give me pain relief. They’re supposed to give you pain relief proactively, so it’s covering you when the anaesthesia wears off, but they forgot and I cannot explain the pain I felt! I asked for relief as soon as the I felt it, but it took a few hours for the medication to work.
I’m sorry to hear that! How were things in the early weeks at home?
For the first couple of weeks we were back and forth in hospital. Firstly because the baby was jaundiced, then because my blood pressure was high. They gave me some medication and it came down but it was all really stressful. I found breastfeeding very difficult at first too, but I persisted.
Was there a moment where you could finally relax and feel a little bit more settled?
After the second week I felt much better. We have really good support thankfully. My mum stayed with us for 2 weeks, then my mother-in-law came every day. Friends and family visited us and people brought over food which was really nice.
During the daytime, things were fine. But nights were always tricky and a few weeks down the line Elijah’s sleep became worse and worse, to the point where it was unmanageable. He wouldn’t settle in a cot. We tried a moses basket, a next-to-me cot, everything. Every time we put him down he’d wake up, whether it was after 10 seconds or 10 minutes. He would only sleep when being held by me or my husband and we would alternate every 4 or 5 hours. Once it got to midnight one of us held him while the other one slept. That went on for about 8 weeks.
What kind of impact did that have on you?
I ended up moving into the spare room because we were co-sleeping, which we hadn’t originally wanted to do. There just wasn’t enough space in the bed and no one was getting enough sleep. That continued until Elijah was about 6 months. I found it really difficult and, looking back, I didn’t enjoy the first 6 months of motherhood. But everything changed when we hired a sleep consultant and managed to get him sleeping independently.
What did the sleep consultant do?
The method we used involved reducing the number of feeds we gave Elijah at night, over a number of nights, and gradually withdrawing our support from being right next to him, patting him, shushing him, to moving further and further away in the bed. Eventually we moved him to his own room in a cot and we would sit on a chair by the bed. Then, over a number of nights, we moved the chair further and further away until we were putting him down and leaving the room.
The whole process took about 2 weeks. By the end of the second week, we were putting him down awake in his cot, saying goodnight, leaving the room, and he would fall asleep within 10 minutes. No crying, or minimal crying. Then he would generally sleep through the night. It got to the point where if he woke up once in the night, that was considered a bad night!
How did you feel when that started happening?
Both myself and my husband were massive sceptics about sleep training. It was a last resort. We knew we had to try something, but didn’t think it would work, so we just couldn't believe the result! My family and friends couldn't believe it. They were like, "I don't understand what you've done to this baby”!
That’s amazing! How did your life change from that point onwards?
I moved from the spare room back into my own bedroom. We had our space back. We had our evenings back; just having an hour to have dinner together without one of us holding the baby was huge. We got a bit of ourselves back and it really helped us enjoy the journey together.
Elijah was so much happier as well, and it became nice to take him out. We stayed with my parents for Christmas. We took his next-to-me cot with us and he slept perfectly there and we all had a really nice first Christmas with him. We had a massive party for his christening straight after that sleep training, which was amazing. All the family came from different parts of the country. Some of them were meeting Elijah for the first time. That was great.
And it’s been so nice having my Bump & Baby Club group. We are all still in touch and meet up quite regularly. We've been to each other's first birthday parties. I'm from Essex and a lot of my friends are all over the place so it’s amazing to have local mum friends.
Have you enjoyed motherhood overall?
I didn't enjoy the first 6 months. I actually thought that I wasn't cut out for motherhood. I was like, "I don't think this is for me. I don't think I could do this again." I probably had those feelings up until about 12 months. Then all of a sudden, I was like, "Actually, this is really enjoyable!” Elijah has personality and we're now able to really interact - he knows what I’m talking about and I'm loving it.
And I’ve gone back to work. That’s been a massive positive for me because I can have a separate identity. I love coming home and seeing Elijah having not been with him for a few hours. Work has helped me enjoy my time with him more.
When did you decide to set up a sleep consultancy business?
When we first started with our sleep consultant I quite flippantly said, “If this works, I’m going to join your academy and become a sleep consultant,” thinking to myself that it wouldn’t work. Two weeks later, I was signing up to the academy! That was when Elijah was 6 months old. I did the training over the next 2 or 3 months, then launched my business.
It must be really rewarding to pay it forward?
Yes, honestly it's more rewarding even than my GP work where you might never see someone again and find out the outcome. In sleep consultancy work, I’m with a family for 2 weeks and I know that by the end of that time they’re going to be in a completely different place. You actually get to see that, which is amazing.
Has there been a recent stand out moment with Elijah?
He took a long time to settle into nursery. He's been going for around 10 weeks now and it’s been a massive milestone in terms of him gaining independence. It was challenging at first but, finally, it seems like he is settling down there and entering this new phase of being an independent toddler which is amazing to watch.
