“It’s the best thing that's ever happened to us”
Stoke Newington Club member, Annabel Luke, was just 6 months into motherhood when she fell pregnant again. She shares her experience of having two daughters super close in age, how the transition from one to two babies was easier than zero to one, and how motherhood has been the most gratifying and rewarding part of her life.
Photos: Lucy Morris
Interview: Alex KohanskyAre you happy to talk about the very beginning and whether it was a conscious decision to become a mother?
Yes, of course. I have always wanted to be a mum – it was just a matter of time. Simon and I got married at the beginning of 2020, then thought we’d give ourselves a year or so of London fun and travel before thinking about kids. Then, Covid hit and lockdowns lasted longer than any of us expected. After quite a few months of lockdown and no idea when life would return to normal, we decided to start trying for a baby and were very lucky to fall pregnant immediately. However, we then miscarried twice in a row.
Oh I'm so sorry to hear that…
They were very early miscarriages – I was around five weeks each time – and thankfully they weren’t too traumatic. I took a little bit of a hit mentally but we were super lucky to fall pregnant again and this time it was Lola!
What was your pregnancy like with Lola?
I loved it. I had lots of energy and was really excited. I managed to keep working and teaching Pilates all the way through.
You became pregnant with your second daughter just 6 months after giving birth to Lola! What was that pregnancy like?
I was beyond tired. I think that was because my body was still depleted from the first time round. I was also still breastfeeding Lola so it felt like I had nothing left for myself. I wasn't exercising like I usually would, which also didn’t help, as this is generally what gives me energy.
Did you ever find yourself craving specific foods during pregnancy?
Definitely! I used to be a vegetarian but I very much started craving and eating meat during my pregnancies and haven't stopped. One night I said to my husband, "I really want a spag bol." Obviously my body needed it. He was thrilled! I also craved and ate a lot of Filet-O-Fish burgers haha.
Do you remember much about the final few days when you were waiting for Lola’s due date to arrive?
I finished work around 39 weeks pregnant with Lola and was very ready for her to come at that point. I’d had a pedicure, I’d had a massage, we’d bought every baby item under the sun and were ready to go! I look back on those last couple of weeks of carrying Lola very fondly. Lockdown rules had relaxed, Simon and I were going out for a lot of brunches and dinners thinking it could be our last one before she arrived. We probably said that for at least five meals out!
I was bouncing on my Swiss ball, eating dates, drinking raspberry leaf tea, getting reflexology and acupuncture… the works! At 40 weeks, she still wasn't here.
How did your labour start with Lola?
I went into labour four days past my due date, in the evening while I was cooking dinner. I had been getting Braxton-Hicks for about three weeks prior to this, always in the evenings, and each time I would think, "Is this it?" As opposed to these cramps, when I went into labour the contractions became more regular and intense fairly quickly. We checked in with the hospital and headed there after a couple of hours. The team checked how far dilated I was – only 1cm – I was like, “Shit!” The hospital must not have been too busy because they didn’t send us home. They said that they could see I was quite distressed and the contractions were strong so they let me stay and I had some time using gas and air. I thought that I'd be able to last a bit longer on gas and air but the contractions were too intense. So I accepted an epidural at the earliest opportunity and it gave me complete relief. I had no pain and was able to sleep on and off through most of the night. I could still walk around and go to the loo quite easily too. Highly rated it!
Did anything unexpected happen during labour?
There was one moment when the baby's heart rate dropped. It was one of those classic situations I’d heard about, where the big button is pushed and lots of people come flooding into the room. They moved me around into a few different positions until her heart rate picked back up. It was quite an alarming experience at the time but I knew it was common and not necessarily something to worry about. Generally, I have a lot of trust in doctors and midwives and I had full trust in the team looking after me. I absolutely loved the midwives, just so calm and kind and really took the time to get to know us.
What was the pushing stage like?
The midwives told me they wanted to let the baby drop down a little before I started pushing, so we all chilled for an hour or so once I was fully dilated. Then it was time to start pushing and it took quite a while to get Lola out – about an hour – but there didn’t seem to be any urgency. She wasn't distressed and I was pretty relaxed and pain-free.
Simon and the midwives were amazing throughout – super calm and encouraging, happy to try lots of different pushing positions. We were all very much a team to get the baby out. Simon was counting me down from 8 for each push, VERY slowly, like I would when I’m teaching Pilates haha giving me a taste of my own medicine!
How did you feel in that when moment she came out?
Relieved and happy. Couldn’t wait to finally see her! Simon burst into tears, which really surprised me! I think it surprised him as well!
How were the first few days at home?
Blissful. While our families are in New Zealand, we are lucky to have a bunch of incredible friends who were dropping by with meals, gifts, coffees, treats, and constantly checking in on us. We felt so, so lucky and were in a little bubble of utter joy. Even though I was sleep deprived and my boobs were so sore from breastfeeding, I was just so happy. Those hormones are next level!
That's so lovely – did that happiness continue for the first few weeks and months?
Overall I've been a happy mum. But around four, five, six weeks in, the lack of sleep really slapped me in the face. You don't realise it until you've had a prolonged stretch of no sleep, then you're like, "Jesus, I feel like I haven’t slept in years."
Aside from the sleep, were there any other major challenges you remember from that time?
The hardest part for me was breastfeeding. It was incredibly painful. I would cry every time Lola latched for the first couple of weeks. Then we got a lactation consultant which changed everything. She spent a whole morning with us, just observing and jumping in to help when she saw something we could improve on. She was incredible; so kind and nurturing. Highly recommend!
Did you carry on with breastfeeding for a while?
I breastfed for Lola for about eight months and then I just had to stop because I was pregnant again and had absolutely no energy.
Generally speaking, did becoming a mother match what you were expecting?
When I first became a mum it was more challenging, more exhausting and more isolating than I expected. It's a bit of a blur now, but I was like, "Holy shit, this is really hard!” Nothing could have prepared me for it.
However, it was a totally different feeling with my second baby. I think when you're thrown into parenthood with your first baby, you wonder if you’re ever going to feel like yourself again. But with your second you know that everything is a phase and the difficult parts tend to pass quickly.
Overall I absolutely love motherhood and it’s truly the most gratifying and rewarding part of life. I love our family time so much. We feel really, really happy and grateful.
What have been some of the most gratifying moments?
The first few days at home with your precious new baby when you've got visitors, messages, gifts, meals, all the warm fuzzies! Those days are so special. I would have many, many kids to experience those days over and over again! You've got nowhere else you need to be and as long as your baby is fed and you’re feeling good, then you’re doing well. I absolutely loved that no-obligation time.
Another highlight is once we started sleeping again! So much more mental clarity and energy. We sleep trained both our daughters and that was a game-changer for us.
But I think the very best thing is watching your children grow and learn, witnessing them do any tiny insignificant thing for the very first time is beyond gratifying. And now watching our two daughters create a bond with one another is incredibly cute and fun to watch.
What was Lola's very first reaction to her sister, May, when they met for the first time?
It was cute. She was saying “sister” and leaning over to give her kisses and cuddles. But she was only 15-months-old so I don’t think there was an obvious awareness of May or the change in family dynamic. Ultimately I don’t think Lola actually remembers a time without May – which has definitely worked in our favour!
Had you planned to have your second baby so close to the first?
It wasn't planned but I have always loved the idea of a close age gap so I was stoked even though I knew it would be full-on. We thought, "We’re already doing it. We’ve got the nappies, the routine, plenty of sacrifices have already been made, our lives are pretty focussed around Lola already – throw another one in there!”
Now we always say it’s the best thing that's ever happened to us. I know everyone is so different with this but, for us, the transition from one to two kids was so much easier than zero to one. And it’s amazing creating a little mate for your older one - I never feel bad for just popping them down in the lounge with some toys. Playdate for life!
What was May's birth like?
It was fairly similar to Lola’s. The midwife had told us to go straight to the hospital as soon as I started feeling contractions because our birth with Lola was relatively quick for a first birth (around 10 hours) and they thought the second one could happen really quickly. I went into labour on the evening of her due date, the contractions ramped up quickly again, I went to the hospital and got the epidural. But this time the epidural only worked down half of my body so I remained in quite a lot of pain.
Did they offer to remove it and start again?
They did but I don't like needles and there was still a possibility it wouldn’t work so I decided not to. We moved around a lot to try and get the pain-relief down the other half of my body, unfortunately to no avail. However, everything did seem to happen quicker and once I was fully dilated, whilst it had been a much more painful process to get there, it was just three big pushes before May came out. Because I could feel everything this time, I could channel that pain into power. When I was more numb, in Lola’s birth, I was trying to figure out where I was supposed to be pushing quite a lot of the time. But with May I could feel a contraction coming and knew I was pushing in the right place straight away.
What was your physical recovery like?
Everything the second time was so much quicker. It felt like my body just knew what it was doing. I was more mobile, I only had one stitch which healed quickly, my core and pelvic floor didn’t feel as weak. Pretty amazing muscle memory.
How has your career fitted itself into motherhood?
I have been a Pilates instructor for about eight years now, alongside working in other areas of the health and fitness industry. My online Pilates classes went well during Covid so I decided to launch an online platform, which I’m now working on full-time. Right now I’m filming new classes for that every week, as well as seeing private clients and teaching in studios.
How have you managed to juggle work with parenting?
Honestly, the minute I got back to work I was so grateful for the mental clarity it brought. Even after Lola, when I was beyond exhausted and only had a few months until May arrived, it felt somewhat liberating.
I knew that I wanted to go back to work after May as well but I needed to figure out what that looked like. I had to love the work that I was going back to and wanted to have some freedom and flexibility with my time – so that I could work but also be a present mum. Towards the end of my maternity leave with May, I started working on my new online Pilates studio, upgrading the website I’d created during Covid to become bigger and better. I am now working full-time on this because I am so passionate about making movement accessible and enjoyable for everyone… Particularly for pregnant women and mums who are lacking in time and energy! The beauty of having the option to workout from home is that you don't need to slot into specific (and limited) studio class times, organise babysitters, commute, or even get changed into activewear if you don't want to. I really love engaging with people over Pilates and seeing the benefits that it can bring. Everyone needs this!
What are the challenges that come with having two babies?
It can be exhausting having both of them on my own when Simon isn’t around. If we are both there and one of the kids is throwing a tantrum while the other is throwing food at me, we can laugh about it. When it's me on my own, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. We’ve hit a stage now where there is fighting over toys, biting, hitting etc. So that’s fun! But overall, I absolutely love having two and wouldn’t change it for the world. A best pal for life.
Do you feel like you've changed as a person since becoming a mother?
Yes, 100%. Motherhood puts everything into perspective. Nothing else feels as important as your kids, your family, and their health and happiness anymore – and that is how it will always be. Motherhood is just so much more fulfilling than anything else I’ve experienced.
