“I never expected the emotional journey to be so intense”
One year into motherhood, GQ Jordan reflects on losing her identity, rediscovering herself, surrendering to the chaos and finding joy in everyday moments.
Photos: Lucy Morris
Words: GQ Jordan
The journey to pregnancy was the toughest part for me, even more so than the actual pregnancy itself. Dealing with PCOS and having an irregular cycle made it incredibly challenging. I was recommended to undergo fertility treatment, specifically IUI, to increase my chances of getting pregnant. I went into the treatment with high hopes, thinking it would be a surefire solution. Little did I know the toll that the medications would take on my body and how terrible they would make me feel.
Unfortunately, we faced three consecutive IUI cancellations because the medication and doses given overstimulated my ovaries which meant an increased risk of multiples. It was a time in my life when I felt utterly powerless and heartbroken. Each treatment cycle was an emotional rollercoaster - full of hope and excitement at the beginning, only to be met with disappointment and discouragement at the end.
After the final cancelled IUI, I had a realisation. I had been relying too heavily on medication and treatment as the only answer, overlooking the importance of supporting my body. That's when my husband and I decided to take a break and shift focus to my overall wellbeing and nutrition. My main goal was to feel like myself again - healthy and strong. And then, a few months later, it finally happened - I fell pregnant.
Throughout the pregnancy, I was just so grateful to be pregnant, even during my first trimester with its exhaustion and relentless morning sickness (I still can’t look at mochi ice cream). Each symptom served as a reminder that I was still on this incredible journey.
Being the last one in my Bump & Baby group to give birth felt like an eternity. Time really does slowdown in those final few weeks! And to make matters worse I was overdue by 10 days. I was induced which as many know makes the contractions come thick and fast. Unfortunately, breaking my waters took three attempts, causing inflammation in my cervix and preventing my labour from progressing.
After a long 24 hours it was decided that I needed to have an emergency c-section and although it wasn’t planned, once the decision was made it was the most serene experience – I had my favourite playlist on, I had pain relief, I was joking with the anaesthetist and my little boy Quinn was born to The Whole of the Moon by The Waterboys. That moment was so special – not because I had an overwhelming sense of love wash over me – I didn’t, that came with time! But looking back it’s that pinpoint moment when I can say our lives changed for the better.
To this day, I’m still in awe of what my body can do, go through, and recover from. I've gained a whole new level of appreciation for it. Instead of battling against it, I’ve learned to listen to it more. I try to nourish it with healthy choices (well, 80% of the time, leaving room for those occasional indulgences) and when I need a rest, I take it.
To be completely honest, the first few months of motherhood were quite challenging for me. Dealing with strong hormones, significant emotional and physical changes, while learning how to care for my little one and adjust to our new family dynamic on limited sleep was quite overwhelming.
As first-time parents, my husband and I were learning everything on the fly, focusing on feeding, soothing, burping and changing nappies day in and day out. I have to admit, during that time, I didn't give enough attention to taking care of myself, especially after an emergency c-section.
I pushed myself too hard and neglected the basics like eating enough, resting properly, and staying hydrated. On top of that, a difficult start with mastitis on day two made me feel even more pressure when it came to breastfeeding. By the time six weeks rolled around, I felt completely worn out and broken.
Now, in my work, I share a message with other mothers – it's essential to prioritise yourself during the postpartum period. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish; it’s necessary. To be the best version of yourself, for both you and your little one, it's vital to fuel your body properly and allow yourself to recover effectively. This will help you feel energised, present, and capable of managing the challenges of motherhood.
The most surprising aspect of this time was the complete identity shift I experienced, which I hadn't fully anticipated before giving birth. While I knew that my body would change, I never expected the emotional journey to be so intense. I found myself mourning the person I used to be while trying to cope with the overwhelming new responsibilities that motherhood brought into my life. I realised that part of the struggle stemmed from not focusing on my nutrition and wellbeing – I was trying to do it all.
One of the significant realisations that helped me navigate this phase was reframing my perspective. Instead of seeing it as losing my old self, I embraced the idea that I was growing into a new version of myself – a mother. It was a process that took time, but with self-care and support, I found my footing and began to embrace and enjoy my new role. I love being a mum and I adore my son and I feel like it keeps getting better.
Running my own business while on maternity leave turned out to be a bit of a double-edged sword for me. On one hand, it was an incredible opportunity to be able to spend quality time with my son and take care of him. However, there was always this nagging concern at the back of my mind about the potential negative impact on my business. Social media played a role in fuelling my anxiety as I constantly compared myself to other nutrition businesses. It was a daily struggle that took a toll on my stress levels.
Looking back, I now realise that some of this pressure was self-induced. But it doesn’t help that society often tells us that as women, we can have it all – a family, a successful career, a thriving business, with little to no support to make it happen. Nevertheless, maternity leave was a blessing. It gave me with much-needed clarity and allowed me to reflect on the direction I wanted my business to take and the people I wanted to serve. My focus shifted after experiencing postpartum firsthand and I knew deep down that I wanted to support other women during this pivotal time.
Early motherhood can be incredibly challenging, and unfortunately, women are often told to just "get on with it" without much guidance or support. However, I discovered that improving nutrition can have a huge impact on energy levels, outlook, recovery, mood, and so much more. It can genuinely transform the early motherhood experience.
Now, through my clinic, I aim to provide valuable support and resources to women during this important phase of their lives. I want to empower them with the knowledge and tools to enhance their nutrition and well-being, allowing them to embrace motherhood fully.
Motherhood has really changed how I see things. I used to be a perfectionist, always striving to have everything just right - let's be honest, I often fell short! But since having my son, I've come to realise that being a mum isn't about being perfect. It's about doing my best and doing right by my family. I've been working on shifting my perfectionist tendencies towards my work instead of my personal life and allowed myself to surrender to the chaos that having a baby brings, and in all honesty, it feels a lot more enjoyable and less stressful than I could have imagined.
Being a mother has taught me to appreciate the little wins and find joy in everyday moments - sometimes that means bringing my son to feed the ducks, other times that simply means that we got through the day. It's not about chasing impossible ideals but creating a loving and supportive environment.
Success, to me, is now about my husband and I communicating and supporting each other and finding a balance between taking care of my son and pursuing my own passions and interests. It's about embracing imperfections, growing as a person, and finding fulfilment in the journey rather than obsessing over what I “should” be doing.
My son turned one during the summer, and I can honestly say that parenthood just gets better as time goes on. Watching him hit all these developmental milestones - from the first rollover to his first word (Dada - typical), and now verging on running (more stumbling) and singing - it’s amazing!
Earning your 'first-year parent' badge is both a win and an intense learning experience. Sure, it might etch a few lines on your face, but what you gain in return is immeasurable. No doubt, some moments are challenging, but the good ones? They're pure, unfiltered bliss.
GQ is a postpartum nutritionist who empowers new and expectant mums to replenish their bodies, shake brain fog, tackle insomnia and anxiety, restore energy and balance hormones. We asked her to share her top tips for new mothers:
Taking care of yourself and prioritising your nutrition during the first few months of motherhood is incredibly important. When you feel physically and emotionally well, you'll have more energy and enthusiasm to devote to your baby. Remember, you deserve to thrive in motherhood, not just survive.
It's crucial not to put too much pressure on yourself and avoid comparing your pregnancy, baby, and birth experience to others. Each journey is unique and special in its own way. Embrace the individuality of your own experience and trust that you're doing the best you can for yourself and your little one.
If you ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed, don't hesitate to reach out for support. Your Bump & Baby group can be an incredible source of reassurance, love, and laughter. Connecting with like-minded individuals who are going through similar experiences can be truly uplifting and comforting.
Remember, you're not alone on this journey. Lean on your support network, be kind to yourself, and embrace the joys and challenges that come with motherhood. You're doing amazing!
