"I had a massive wave of feeling so incredibly grateful"

Bury Club member, Cindy Cohen, took some time to talk to us about her 'amazing' labour and birth, as well as the challenges and complications she experienced during pregnancy and directly after her baby was born - and the gratitude she's felt ever since.

Photos: Katie Dervin
Interview: Alex Kohansky

Can you describe the moment you found out your were pregnant?

Yes it was quite funny actually. I am allergic to insects and one morning I woke up and my face was really badly swollen. My eyes could barely open, which is what happens when I have an insect bite. I couldn’t understand it because it was snowing outside - it was winter and there were definitely no insects! My husband Elan said, "Oh, maybe it's a sign that you're pregnant." I was not convinced at all, but somewhere on Google we read it could be a rare sign of pregnancy - so I took the test a couple of days later and it was positive! I was so surprised and we were both extremely excited.

The day after we found out, we went to a wedding where we saw pretty much everyone we knew. It was very surreal having this big secret and having to subtly avoid the free bar! 

Did you experience any difficult pregnancy symptoms?

I had a healthy pregnancy and the symptoms were mostly during the first trimester. I was very hungry, to the point I felt faint at times and I felt extremely nauseous during weeks 6 to 10. But the most difficult thing for me was the heartburn I experienced towards the end of the first trimester - it was so bad I couldn’t sleep at night. I went through a lot of Gaviscon!

Were there any concerns or wobbles during your pregnancy?

When I was about 33 weeks pregnant Elan had to have heart surgery which was really stressful. We were told he had a heart condition and needed a pacemaker fitted. I remember saying goodbye to him as he went into the operating theatre and watching him sign the consent forms. It’s routine surgery but they went through all the potential risks, including cardiac arrest. Being so heavily pregnant, it was really emotional signing those forms and saying goodbye. I sat in a room for two hours just waiting for him to come back - it felt like forever! It was a massive relief just to see him come out on the trolley and to know he was okay and we could look to the future together as a family. 

That must have been incredibly stressful. How was the recovery process for Elan?

Thankfully it was a smooth recovery. He stayed in hospital for just one night and there was one week where he couldn't lift anything and couldn't drive. He has been absolutely fine ever since. That happened at the end of September/start of October and our baby, Oshri, arrived at the start of November. It was all pretty close!

That’s amazing! Did you have any hopes or expectations for how your birth would go?

Initially I was sure that I wanted an epidural. But as my pregnancy progressed, I grew in confidence. I had never imagined that a natural birth at a birth centre would be my birth preference, but I learnt at Bump & Baby Club that pain relief is a ladder and you can change your mind at any point on the day - that was valuable information. Our antenatal instructor, Tori, explained that you can start with just gas and air, then if you want something more, you could have pethidine. And if you want more again, you could have an epidural. You could even decide that you want a C-section. Knowing that I could make those choices on the day and that nothing was set in stone, made me feel more empowered and it didn't feel so scary to say, "I'm planning to have a natural birth.”

Did you have any fears about labour and birth and, if so, what were they?

I had a fear of being out of control and not being able to cope with the pain. I was also nervous about tearing or having a birth injury and, also had a bit of a fear related to the fact my Mum wasn’t going to be there for me - she passed away several years ago. That was always in the back of my mind. It's been tough to go through such a huge life event without her.

Pregnancy yoga really helped to calm my mind, as did hypnobirthing, especially the positive affirmations and breathing exercises. Also, knowledge is power - being more informed through reading books and everything we learnt at Bump & Baby Club really helped reduced my fears.

Can you describe what happened in the lead up to your birth?

Towards the end of my pregnancy the medical team were showing some concern about how big our baby was. I was sent for growth scans at 36, 37 and 38 weeks, and they kept offering to induce me, which I declined each time. I was hoping not to be induced if at all possible. They said they were concerned about me trying to deliver naturally because my baby was looking “really, really big.” But at the same time they were saying, "we're not great at predicting big babies” - so it was hard to know what to do. I had an appointment to go back at Week 39 to have another scan and discuss induction again. The doctor said, "Next week, we really do have to take a decision on this,” but Oshri arrived naturally before then anyway, much to our surprise!

This was a couple of weeks before his due date and I had a long list of the things I was going to get done before he arrived - there was lots of life admin and nesting I was going to do! But I finished work on the Wednesday, decompressed on the Thursday and Oshri appeared on the Friday. That morning I had my nails done and posted a story on Instagram saying, "I've had my nails done, you can come now baby haha" - and he did!

Cindy, Elan and Oshri with some of their Bump & Baby Club friends

Can you take me through your labour and birth?

After having my nails done, I picked up some lunch and went back home. I was sitting on the sofa and suddenly felt the biggest kick I’d ever experienced and my waters broke!

I had learnt at Bump and Baby Club that some women aren’t sure if their waters have broken as it can be just a trickle of fluid. But in my case, it was like someone had thrown two buckets of water over me - I was drenched! There was water everywhere. I called my hospital and they said, "Okay, you can you can come in and we can test to see if it’s your waters." I said, "I've not had a baby before, but I'm sure my waters have definitely broken!”

At this point, I hadn’t had any contractions so I really didn’t think the baby was coming any time soon - but the hospital bags were already packed so we put them in the car and set up the baby car seat ‘just in case.’

I started having contractions during the 15-minute car journey and by the time I got to hospital I was in a decent level of pain. I went to triage and within about 10 minutes a midwife was with me. We had dumped the car at the entrance to the hospital so Elan went off to park it properly. I remember saying to him, "don't bother bringing the bags in,” as I still thought we would be sent home for 24 hours!

While the midwife was assessing me, I could see her face looked a little bit confused. I asked if everything was ok and she said, "You're 9 centimetres dilated, this baby is coming very soon!” She produced a wheelchair to take me to the birth centre and told me to get Elan back. I phoned him and said, “bring the bags, the baby’s coming!” He's never sprinted so fast!

I was already in the birthing pool when Elan walked in. Bizarrely, my midwife was also called Cindy. I thought I may have been hallucinating about that, with all the gas and air, so I had to double check with Elan that Cindy was really her name! Everything was happening so fast, we were a bit in shock - just 4 hours start to finish and Oshri was here!

How did you find the experience of being in the pool?

I felt very comfortable in the pool, it was really helpful as pain relief. It's so weird but a contraction is a very ‘structured pain’ like Tori had described. It lasts around 60 seconds, then you're not in pain and there's some time for recovery, then it starts again. You can feel it building and you know once it gets to a certain point that it’s as bad as it's going to get - then you're coming back down the other side.

After two hours in the pool Cindy (the midwife!) said she would have expected me to have had the baby by now, or “be getting really close to that,” and encouraged me to come out of the pool in the hope of getting things moving again. She explained that if I didn’t give birth within an hour, she’d be suggesting I transfer to the labour ward. I was hoping to avoid the labour ward so I felt quite unsettled as I knew there was a ticking clock against me. I went from feeling relaxed and in control, to feeling a bit stressed.

The hour passed with no baby so I agreed to be wheeled across the corridor to the labour ward. At that point Cindy’s shift finished and a different midwife took over, called Eleanor. I remember Eleanor walking into the labour room and saying, "You have done amazingly well! I've heard that you've literally only been here for about three hours and your baby is nearly out!” I think I just needed to hear that positivity to get me through the final stage. She gave me that last push of motivation and reassurance that I needed and he arrived naturally just 30 minutes later.

What was it like meeting Oshri for the first time?

We had a little bit of a scare when Oshri arrived… One of the things we had on our birth plan was for Elan to cut the cord and for the baby to be passed to me straightaway for skin-to-skin. I gave birth in a kneeling position - I felt him come out and I was waiting for him to be passed to me, but he wasn’t and I didn’t hear him cry; then I saw someone else cutting the cord. I remember saying to Elan, "What's happening?" It was explained to us that Oshri was hyperventilating when he came out, so they had to put him on oxygen to regulate his breathing. If it didn’t regulate within half an hour, they were going to take him to the neonatal unit. Thankfully, after 25 minutes his breathing finally calmed down. They put him on me and he went straight to the boob. That was an amazing moment!

Then there was one more complication to deal with - the placenta wasn’t coming out, even though I’d accepted the oxytocin injection to help the process. I hadn’t even noticed with everything that was going on, but it had been an hour since I gave birth and the only option was for them to take me to theatre and remove it there. So the entire room departed with me to theatre, apart from Elan and Oshri who were left together in the labour room for those first precious moments.

The doctor said, "I know you did the whole birth with only gas and air, but we're going to have to give you an epidural now to get the placenta out," so I did experience an epidural in the end! I felt fine about the epidural but quite emotional about being apart from Oshri - I was worried I was missing the golden time to bond with him. But it was absolutely fine. I eventually got back to the room and he was just there with Elan, having some skin-to-skin with Daddy!

I had a massive wave of feeling so incredibly grateful. I had literally had my dream birth, as I'd hoped, and the complications afterwards didn’t affect how I felt about it at all. I just felt so lucky and wondered, "How has this happened to me?" With Elan's heart surgery and all the stress during my pregnancy, I felt like karma had come back around and given me this amazing birth. 

It had all happened so fast; I said to Elan, "A few hours ago, we were sat in Subway and now we're holding our baby!" I think we were both just really shocked but massively relieved - I was okay and Oshri was okay.

I think it could be really reassuring for people to hear how positive you feel about your experience, despite the complications at the end. 

I did just feel really grateful afterwards. I think I spent the first night just looking at Oshri saying, "Thank you for being such an amazing baby. Thank you for being so kind to mummy as you came into the world!”

The really nice thing was that Eleanor came down with me to theatre when they removed the placenta. She held my hand through the whole procedure and kept explaining to me: "This is what's happening. They are struggling a little bit, but it's okay. There are hours left of this epidural. You're not going to feel any pain.” Yes, it was a complication and it wasn't nice being away from Oshri, but I wasn't in any pain and he was fine. I just felt so grateful.

Did Oshri turn out to be a big baby after all?

He was 7lb 15oz, but he was 11 days early so if he would have gone full term, or a week over as many first babies do, I think he would've probably been 9lbs or 10lbs. So I think they were right, he was big. And now he’s massive - 92nd percentile for weight and 99th for length!

With Oshri now 12 weeks old, what have been some of the most magical moments of motherhood so far? 

There have been lots of very special moments - his first bath he absolutely loved, the first walk we did, and his first smile a few weeks ago was amazing. The moment my milk came in was very memorable too - I took him off the boob and he was covered in milk. I was like, "Oh, it's come, it's come!” I have really enjoyed breastfeeding.

Over the first few weeks, I fell in love with Oshri more and more each day. I loved him from that first moment, but it has definitely grown every day as he’s interacted with me more and more and we've got to know each other.

That’s so lovely. And are you surviving okay with the sleep deprivation?

Better than I thought! I was one of those annoying people who slept nine hours a night! I was such a heavy sleeper so I thought I'd struggle being kept up at night - but it's incredible how quickly I’ve become accustomed to it.

Last night, Oshri had a really bad night. He was up a lot. But I got up this morning, washed my hair whilst he was having a nap and just got on with the day. Don't get me wrong, I would love a full night's sleep, but you just function and get used to it. When he wakes up in the morning and smiles at me, I forget that I’ve been up since 1am!

How has Elan adjusted to fatherhood?

He's absolutely loving fatherhood! He does all the baths and gives Osh a bottle of expressed milk every night before bed so I can try and get an early night. He was really involved in the Bump & Baby classes, asking lots of questions, and he also read a great book called The Expectant Dad's Handbook. He felt really clear about what his role was going to be during labour and what to do and say. He was my advocate in the room and the ‘guardian of the oxytocin’. He knew his purpose on the day and I think that really helped keep me calm. 

My final question is about the fact you and Elan first met each other on the Channel 4 dating show, First Dates…! Does if feel surreal how much your life has changed due to that TV show?!

Yes, it’s so bizarre! When you come through our front door, you see our first ever picture together from First Dates on the wall. Sometimes when I come home, now with our baby, I look at that picture and I'm just like, "This is so crazy. So so crazy!” Our episode was aired in 2018. We got engaged in 2019. We were meant to get married in 2020, but it got canceled because of Covid. We ended up getting married in 2021 and then we finally had our honeymoon in 2022, then Osh came along in 2023. It's been nonstop since I walked through the First Dates restaurant doors and I'm just so grateful for life we've built together since that day.